Ever since I quit my office job last July and have worked so hard to make lifestyle changes to better my health, I get this idea that I am "better" (i wonder what it means that the first time i typed that i typed "butter" instead of "better"...lol) Yeah, I still have little flare-ups: lymph nodes swell, low-grade fever, body aches, etc.. but it's nothing like before. So i think & wish in my heart that I'm coming through this and that all those dreams for my future will come true.
And then there's a day like yesterday. On Friday night at 8:30 I got a call f/m my Scentsy director that she was not going to be able to make a women's show the next morning but I could go. So I said ok--it is a great opportunity to build business and all that. But I was scrambling that night trying to find what I would need and running to set up my table--went to bed at one and couldn't sleep until after 2...didn't sleep well at all... And then a day of being "on" all day and giving sales pitches from 9:30-3 the next day just wore me out. I came home w/a sore throat & headache and a full-blown symptom flare up and spent the rest of the day in bed.
Today I am hurting and ever so fatigued. I have so much to do, my house is a mess, next week is the last week before classes start back for the students. I'm not prepared. And I feel discouraged. I've wasted time over my break and haven't accomplished what I wanted to. But more than that, days like this scare me. Will I ever really be able to have kids if I get worn out so easily? I'm not so sure. I'm not good at staying on top of what needs to be done anymore. My heart hurts.
Sarah sweetheart my heart hurts for you, but honey you most focus on the positive in the last year. You have come a long way from the blue medicine chugging. You are doing things that you enjoy and one day when God is ready you will be a mommy. You are already better. You are just working on becoming best.
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Oh dear sarah, I am so sorry that you have been doing so well only to have such a disappointing weekend :( (exciting about the scentsy booth - did you get any good leads or sales??) That is a long long day, I would be exhausted afterward and would need a day off myself, so I think it is totally understandable that you would be too. I am sorry that you did not get done with you wanted to get done, but it seems to me like you had a good break and getting back into a rhythm would be a good thing. Sometimes I find that it's when I have more/extra time on my hands that I do less and I get more done when I am in my normal schedule and such. Hope you really can rest the next couple days and then maybe get some prep work done the days after that without killing yourself! Love you
ReplyDeleteSo I know its not a lot of consolation, but I'm right there with you. I'm in the middle of this PhD and feeling over my head all of the time and wondering why I feel God pulling me toward being open to babies. But then I have to remember that we serve a mighty God, who gives us strength and won't put us through more than we can handle. When He brings babies your way He will also provide the strength and help you will need at that time. And Holly is so right, its good to know your limits but you are so much better than you were this time last year that I have great hope for what you will be when babies come along!
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