Goals: 2010 vs. 2011

Last year I had some really good goals and worked hard at holding myself accountable by posting about them on the blog regularly.  Some things I actually did well on, some not so much.  So to start this year I figured that it would be good to evaluate how I did last year and set some new (or more defined) goals for 2011.

So first--the goals of 2010:

1.  Improve my Overall Health.  Mostly a fail, with some postitive changes made.  I really did start last year w/good intentions but constant illness really hampered my progress.  I think the best and most consistent change that I made was started my water aerobics class which gives a guaranteed 2 days/week to exercise.  I'm still fatter than I was at this time last year though :/

2. Be a better steward of our money.  I can confidently say that I greatly improved in this area!  (well, I kinda had to with the whole dropping to only one primary income...).  I severely cut back on shopping and have made a conscious effort to consider things before buying them, and also to return things if I get home and realize that it was a bad purchase.  And I let most of my magazine subscriptions lapse! woohoo!!

3.  Let things go.  Much improved in this area as well. We had a yard sale in October and got rid of lots of junk--and the things that didn't sell went to consignment or donations: not back into the house.  I've also purged a lot of the magazines that I had saved.

4.  Waste less time.  I still have a problem w/computer games!!  I unsubscribed to a lot of blogs though and have honestly been more busy during my evenings to the time wasting isn't as bad.  Still could use progress though.

5.  Read books.  Another success!  (though I have fallen back into the Harry Potter series again rather than reading new books...).  I should have kept a list but I know I read at least 10.  Much better than previous years!

6.  Organize/cleaning.  Eh...i've done better about having a cleaning routine for our common areas, and have purged a lot of junk, but I am just never going to be a neatnick.  Some progress, but much more room for improvement.

7.  Spend more time w/hubs.  Hmm...it comes and goes in spurts.  I don't know how well we did about quantity of time together, but I think we did a little better at quality time together when we could have it.  Still needs work though.

8.  Spend time with God daily.  Much improved over the previous year--I actually read through the whole Bible this year!  And with my job now being ministry, making it a priority has been much more important.  I did not do it every day, but am doing much better!

Alright, so to my goals for this year.  Much of the same, but this year I want to add a new focus to several of them:  must accomplish/work on goal before we can start a family.  We are not ready for kids yet, but are getting emotionally closer to that point and several things really need to happen before my body can handle pregnancy (if God blesses us in that way) and before our housse will have room for a child!


So here are the goals for 2011:
1.  Lose at least 30 pounds.  I've just got to do this.  I would like to lose more but want to be realistic (and that is still a big number to me).  I am no longer working at my old job so I have time to devote to eating well & excercising.  There is no room for excuses!  And I need to take care of my body in order to be physically able to handle potentially carrying a child and also caring for one.  It's not just about how I feel, it's about our future.  

2.  Eat a salad for at least 4 meals each week & exercise at least 5 times a week.  (and mayonnaise based chicken & tuna salads don't count...nor do jello salads ;) ) I feel like these are realistic steps that I can take to mindfully work towards my goals.

3. Focus on quality time w/hubs & a focused dinner at least once a week.  We are bad about eating in front of the TV and when I did our candlelight dinner on Christmas I realized how much just moving into the other room changes things.  Even if his work keeps him too busy to go out on a date each week, we can have an in-house date at the dining room table.  And I need to focus on him when he makes the time to be w/me rather than trying to multi-task.

4.  Give myself freedom to throw things away.  I've talked about my hoarding tendencies, and part of that is that I really struggle w/throwing things in the trash that are not food products or packaging.  I recycle ALL accepted plastics & paper products and even recycle any plastic grocery bags from when i forget my reusable bags.  What this means is that I have kept broken things b/c I couldn't find a way to recycle them...and that I have a HUGE bags of socks, undershirts, and underwear with holes in them b/c I feel guilty to throw away cloth products.  I've even contacted pet shelters to try to see if they would take them for pet beds! (they said no)  It's a little bit absurd.  So this year, I'm allowing myself to throw away the broken fan, the bag of holey undergarments, and Butch's toys that she has pulled the stuffing out of!.  No reason to clutter up my life with garbage right??

5. Declutter & organize.  Despite progress that we've made, we still have too much stuff and I need to continue to work on the house.  At this point, though we have a decent sized house w/3 bedrooms, there is room for no more stuff!  If we ever want to have a child we need a place to put it lol!  and I've heard that babies come w/a lot of stuff too ;)

6.  Start a cleaning schedule for non "common areas".  I'm pretty good about cleaning our living room, dining room, kitchen, and guest bath each week since I have the Bible study girls coming to motivate me.  Our bedroom & bathroom and the craft room however, are a nightmare.  I need to get a schedule for doing that, even if it's rotating areas every other week or something.

7.  Time w/God daily.  A continuation from last year.  Something that I have an inward battle over is idolizing what that time has to look like though.  I tell my Bible study girls all the time that a marriage or isn't defined by having romantic dates every day, but instead living our lives together day in and day out--some days it is a quick kiss in the morning and a few minutes to chat before bed, others are really focused on each other.  In the same way, our walks with the Lord shouldn't be a formula of a one-hour quiet time with reading/journaling/prayer and then we're done, but instead learning to intertwine our faith into every part of the our lives.  In that analogy we give ourselves the freedom to some days have more intense study while in other times it is mulling over a verse as we go about our day, but all the while keeping connected to the Lord through prayer. This balance is something I need to work on, and I also feel it is the only way to prevent ourselves from having an all or nothing attitude about it (aka, I don't have time to spend an hour with the Lord, therefore I'm gonna skip it altogether).  My goal for the majority of the year will be to read a chapter of the Bible or work on my Isaiah BSF study, and also to read from the Oswald Chambers devotional from my dad.  Then journaling as I see fit. 

8.  Do the 90 day Bible challenge again.  Maybe that sounds like it's in opposition to the last point, but I realized that doing that (though I did spread the last bit over a few months) was a great exercise in discipline for me and also really helped me to know where things are in the Bible and to increase my understanding.  My goal is to do this over the summer months when things are slow, but also not to beat myself up about it if I don't complete it in 90 days.  Reading the bible is a reward in itself!

9.  Learn to coupon!  Money is tighter than before and I have a ton of friends who save really big w/couponing.  I won't go all out crazy like some of the people, but I really want to do this to help cut the costs of feeding all the students and to even out the baking expenses...

10.  Catch up on my scrapbooks.  I am working on the book for the summer before college...8 years ago.  I really want to get my pictures done before having kids b/c I'm sure that then I will only want to do albums of them!  And if I can at least catch up on the printed photos, I can do digital albums for the rest.

and...to round it out to match the year:

11.  Cook from my cookbooks.  I have a RIDICULOUS amount of cookbooks (which I need to be thinning) so when I am looking for a recipe I need to look to the cookbooks before the internet.  And maybe thin my collection a bit as well. 

Alright, I think that is a good list for 2011.  And, as last year, I plan to post check-ins on here to hold myself accountable, or else I will ignore it all!  How about you?  Any big resolutions/goals?

A perfect Christmas

Okay, I know it's "time" for the new years resolution posts and everyone is over Christmas, but I had to post about our wonderful Christmas day because I never want to forget it!

For the first time in quite a while, my parents did not host their sides of the family in town.  Instead the plan was to (as usual) spend Christmas eve w/hubs family, my family was going to Paducah on Christmas day, and then to Owensboro on the day after Christmas.  It's always a whirlwind, and I know that we should be thankful that we have all our family within a three hour or so drive, but this year after having so little time together, hubs & I really needed some "us" time.  So we decided to stay home on Christmas day, just the two of us :).

On Christmas eve we did the normal movie, dinner, and presents w/hubs' family.  We saw the Voyage of the Dawn Treader and then came home for a dinner of ham, turkey, and finger foods :).  Tons of presents as always, but the best surprise of all came right as we were about to leave.  We knew that there was a chance of snow the next day, but hubs opened the door to start loading up our car and there was lready an inch or two on the ground!!! We were so surpised and giddy--and all the kids had gotten snow boots & sleds from hubs' mom--it was great!  And then we got on the road...eep!  Apparently our city had not planned on snow so soon and winthin those 2 hours of accumulation the roads were covered and slick w/ice.  We slipped and slid and our normal 15 minute drive just about doubled in time before we made it safely.  I was really worried about my sister in law though, she had to drive to Smiths Grove, which is normally at least half an hour away...with 5 kids in the car!  Thankfully everyone made it safely and we came home to this:

And then on Christmas morning:

We don't get much snow in Bowling Green, and haven't had a white Christmas in years!  It was perfect!!

My parents came by the next morning to do presents at our house before they headed to Paducah, and then it was just the two of us (and Butch of course)!  I've got to say it was the best Christmas of our marraige :).   We laid around and watched movies, played some board games & Wii and just enjoyed the day together.  We had more time together that day than we'd  had probably in the past 6 months combined!  It was lovely.  For dinner I decided to conquer one of my cooking fears: steak!  I had seen the filet au poivre recipe on the Pioneer woman's website and decided that I could do it.  I made some yeast rolls & baked potatoes, then I set up a candle-lit dinner at the dining room table and we had sparkling grape juice (not really alcohol drinkers).  It was as good as a date out!  I used ribeyes for the steak and they were okay, but then I tried it again later in the week w/sirloins and oh. my. goodness.  AMAZING!  that's hubs' favorite cut of steak anyway so it was quite the hit.  Sadly, I forgot to take any pictures during any of our Christmas festivities, but here is a picture of the repeated steak dinner--you should definitely try the recipe!

I got some very special Christmas presents as well hubs surprised me w/my own GPS (because I get lost and often borrow his and don't give it back) and this beautiful necklace!

  

I got several things to help w/the baking including new airbake cookie sheets and best of all, the glass kitchenaid mixing bowl for my mixer!!  (from my mom).  Also extremely special was a gift from my dad: the Oswald Chambers devotional journal "My Utmost for His Highest" but the best thing about it is that he had gone through and wrote a message to me on every day of the year!  There were definitely lots of tears at that one, and just knowing that my dad had dedicated time every single day of the year to write something to me...wow. I am so blessed!

The day after Christmas was spent at my Aunt's in Owensboro.  Another wonderful time w/family, food, and presents, but the best part was really celebrating the "reason for the season."  We did our family's traditional advent with the candles and read Luke 2:8-14 with teh Christmas story and talked about the things that God has done in the last year.  It was wonderful!

This was such a great Christmas, and I hope we will always remember it!

the cutest little boys you ever did see

 On Saturday morning our family was blessed with two new arrivals.  Hubs's sister delivered the most precious little twin boys, Connor & Logan.  We got to see the precious little ones just a few short hours after their birth, and they are so tiny!

 Logan

At 5 lb 5 1/2 oz. and born one minute earlier, Logan is the biggest and oldest.  And such a sleeper!  The little guy sleeps all the time and waves his arms and hides his face.  So cute!  He also makes little squeaky kitten noises.  eep! 

Being held by big sister Hannah.

Connor

Connor (at 2 days old here) is tiny!  He weighed 4 lb 10 oz. at birth (has gone down some now, as has Logan) and is just unbelievably itty-bitty!  He is very expressive and alert and is always looking around with his big blue eyes!  He looks like a wise old man in a teeny body : )

Getting a daiper change by mommy--not happy about it!

Look at that itty bitty belly! And his head is so small that they have two caps on his head so that the bigger one won't fall off.

Gotta love the tiny toes!

Last night and all day today I have gotten some very special alone time with Christi & the babies.  Since her other three kids are starting school tomorrow, I stayed with her while her husband went to help them get ready for school and get the house ready for the homecoming.  It has just been a precious time!  She & I have had more time to bond, and I have loved getting to hold and feed the little boys!  I must admit, it is scary at some points b/c they are so very small, but they are starting to eat and nurse well and are little champs! 

beautiful mommy & babies

Really, we are very blessed that they are in such good shape b/c her due date was not supposed to be until early September.  We knew that they would come early, and have honestly been preparing for them over the past 4 weeks--an "any day now" kind of situation--but we're glad that they stayed in as long as they did to grow and mature.  It is really amazing--they have not had to spend any time in the NICU and other than a tiny bit of jaundice and some potential reflux problems, their health seems perfect!  Praise the Lord!

 proud aunt & uncle (me & hubs) with the boys a few hours after their birth--I'm in love!

guilt

so...I have guilt.  I think every woman does.  You hear a lot about "mom guilt"--how mothers seem to feel guilty for everything that they do or don't do: if they stay home to be with their kids they have guilt over not providing financially, if they work outside the home they feel guilt over not being home with the kids, guilt over doing anything for themselves, etc...

Well right now I'm dealing with a case of what I will call "childless and jobless guilt." I have two more days of training my replacement at my job before I start  my "semi-retirment." (that reminds me--i haven't yet really gone into what I will be doing after I quit other than the health stuff--will update that soon hopefully).  As I'm preparing for this transition I'm just really struggling with the things that I think I should be doing.  I guess my main reason for this guilt is that I feel that if I do not have children, I have no right to be staying at home.  In this time I could continue working (though it would probably negatively impact my health) and saving up more money so that if/when we have children we would not have so many financial strains.  I have plans for things to do--cleaning, organizing, making our house really a home, tackling the mountains of piles that are going on, catching up on my scrapbooks, knitting, crafting, reading, having dinner for my husband when he gets home at night--so many things, but I just don't feel like it's enough.  Do you ever feel like that?  Like there is always more that you should be doing?

I know that this is the right choice for us.  I know that it will help our future, and hubs is even starting to really enjoy it now that the house is cleaner and he gets a good meal when he gets home every night instead of waiting another hour for me to get off work, and then waiting for me to finish dinner (which all too often meant a cold-cut sandwich).  Butch is thrilled to have mommy at home w/her too.  I think everyone is ultimately happy with the decision (minus the little aspect of tighter purse-strings) but it is still gnawing at me.  I think every woman would love to have this opportunity, so why is it fair that I get it?  Yeah, it is ultimately due to my health issues, but I just don't feel like that is enough of a  reason. 

Plus, I have always worked outside the home.  Since I was 16 I was working (at the same office that I am leaving now!).  When other kids were on summer or winter breaks from school, I was picking up extra hours at the office.  I have never just had a break.  And honestly I didn't need to work that much, but I just did b/c I like to work hard.  I think that is where so much of this guilt comes from.  I always see things that need to be done and that I can do and I always have multiple things going on at once.  It wasn't enough just to manage an office.  I had to do that plus college ministry, plus taking care of the house, plus weekly baking for my co-workers, plus a few little direct-selling businesses.  But I don't think there are any women on earth who don't have some "plus" things.  Don't we all try to do it all? 

Then there is the pressure on hubs.  How is it fair for me to not be working while he is practially working 2 jobs?  He has a freelance videography business that is growing by leaps and bounds, as well as his 40 hour/week computer consulting job.  I can try to talk myself into believing that before I basically had the two full-time jobs of maintaining our home (I've always done pretty much everything housework-wise) and working at my office, so now I'm just going to have one "job"....but it doesn't seem to be validated when I am not earning a paycheck.  I don't think that anyone would argue against the fact that homemakers work extremely hard--and it's not like you can leave that work at the office and go home--there is always something to clean, someone to feed, things to get rid of...but our culture defines people so much by salaries that it is hard to get an adequate value for that kind of work.  I feel like it is unfair--at my age & without children--to have him solely responsible for our finances.  That is a lot of pressure on him-- though we have no debt and have honestly had a basically stress-free marriage when it comes to money, I'm just afraid that I'm throwing that away without enough cause. 

It's just a weird situation.  I almost feel like I have to have a baby just to justify this move in my mind! eep!  What about you?  Do you have guilt that you are struggling with?  Is this mostly a "woman-thing" or do men struggle with it constantly too?

a change will do you good

I don't do change.  I've said this before, but I have had the same car since I learned to drive, the same guy since I was 17, and the same job since I was 16.  I'm 26 now, and basically my life has been fairly constant since I was in my late teens!  Yeah, there have been the major life things such as getting married and finishing school, but in areas that I actually make a choice, once I make it I tend to stick with it.  I feel like I am a person who adapts well to new circumstances, but I guess I don't just seek change out. 

Well, it's time for a change.  Today, after nearly 10 years, I turned in my resignation at the office where I work.  That is the "big thing" that I have been hinting about for several weeks now.  I'm quitting my job. 

Now I realize, for some people--especially people in their early to mid 20s, changing jobs is basically like changing clothes.  It just happens as you get different kinds of experience and move around before settling on a career choice.  Most of my friends have worked at at least 5 different places which is hard for me to imagine!  I, on the other hand, have only ever worked at Pediatric Associates.  Yeah, there were a few part time church or CRU childcare things thrown in the mix, but those were always in addition to my main job or for just a week or two at a time.

I started working at PA when I was sixteen.  I had been a patient there since I was two years old, and at that time was getting allergy shots 2x a week.  I figured that it couldn't hurt to try to work there since I was already in the office so much!  I remember exactly how I approached it...I was getting my allergy shot, and I asked the nurse who was administering it: "Do you ever hire people who are under 18??"  That's all I said!  lol.  Well, thankfully my doctor and the nurse liked me and a few weeks later I filled out an official application and met with the office manager for an impromptu interview...I was sick that day and there to see my doctor and I was wearing jeans with holes in them!  I remember asking the office manager about the dress code and she looked me up and down and said "Well, not ripped jeans!" 

I went in after school every day except Thursdays since the office manager was off and did menial tasks like filing, copying records, shredding old documents,  pulling insurance documents and sorting mail.  I would work extra time when school was out and it began to be like a little family for me.  And best of all, if I was sick or needed allergy shots, I just had to walk down the hall!  The craziest thing about those first few months was that I was not even driving yet, so my parents would pick me up from school, drop me off at the office, and then pick me back up one hour later!  bless them!

It carried on that way for several years, through my senior year of high school and then through college.  I picked up more responsibilities over time and they liked me and even agreed to let me take 6 weeks off to go on a mission trip to Russia.  Around that same time, there was some sketchy stuff going on with the manager and by the time I was scheduled to leave she was gone and the office was in shambles.  I thought I wouldn't have a job when I came back, and they even talked to me about letting me go, but I persevered and stayed on.  By my senior year of college they had decided to create a new position for me, and during my last semester I was promoted to "Billing & insurance specialist" though I had no experience whatsoever, and only 2 weeks of training!  I ended up training the next manager and eventually was promoted to the position myself.  (A big step up from formerly sitting having to sit sideways at a filing cabinet for my workspace!)

Since graduating college and becoming the manager (or "Office Coordinator" as the position is officially titled) I have caught mono (most likely from the patients) and developed some probably permanent health conditions; dealt with a roof literally being blown off the office and the subsequent move to and from a temporary location; drama of all kinds including some directed at me; major employee turnover; the retirement of a physician and the adding of a new one;  learning and eventually mastering the insurance systems; being cussed over past-due patient accounts; being cussed over divorce/custody drama; being cussed over the on-hold music...maybe I exaggerated that one a tiny bit, but you get the idea...I could go on, but this is already a very lengthy post ;)

And you know what?  This may sound kind of sad, but seeing my coworkers and physicians/bosses truly upset over my decision to leave, I feel like it was all worth it.  I feel truly loved and appreciated.  Instead of being excited that I'm leaving, several of them have actually cried!  All of them have protested (some threatened to kidnap my little Butchy if I didn't change my mind!) and even the doctor that I thought would be jumping for joy to get rid of me offered to let me have a shortened schedule if I would stay. 

So why am I leaving??  Because we have been blessed.  We have had our financial burdens lessened which has made the need for my salary go away.  And after much prayer and crying and wondering and money crunching we felt that this was God's way of providing so that I can try to get healthy.  Getting me out of an environment where I am constantly exposed to sick children can only help my health.  At this point I feel like I have tried every other alternative, but nothing has truly, permanently helped.  How can I go forward without trying every possibility to get better?  I would always wonder "what if" had we not made this decision.  Especially if this allows me to be able to eventually be healthy enough to raise a child.  My doctor had already said that working after having kids was not an option for me, at least not for the first few years, so I am just taking a bit of extra time to prepare for that. 

And what am I going to do now?  I have some plans.  I am not getting another full time job and I will hopefully have some time just to rest, but I feel that I have already "talked your ears off" (in reading/writing form of course) so you'll have to stay tuned to learn the most exciting things that God has provided for my future!

**By the way, in case you haven't guessed, I didn't get to the TWD post for this week, though it looked quite wonderful.  You can still see everyone else's White Chocolate Brownies here.

proud

My heart is full and welling up.

I spent this evening with one (well, actually three) of my former Bible study girls as well as several other women, some who I knew, some who I did not.  They came over to my house and we had dinner and fellowship, and then dear Lacey shared with us about how she is going to devote the next year of her life to serving the Lord in northern Africa.  Though I encouraged her to do this and have been in touch with her throughout the process, the magnitude of her decision did not really hit me until tonight.

For some reason, my mind doesn't really comprehend the danger that is inherient in this decision.  I don't know why, but I think of Africa as a safe place, while in reality what she is doing is not safe.  It is not comfortable.  It is not easy.  I am so proud of her.

Pray for Lacey as she prepares for this, and for Africa!

A few things I want to do better...

2009 has been a year of some great changes and developments in my life. After discovering the wonderful world of blogging I joined several baking groups and have challenged myself to try new things that used to terrify me! Sadly, all the baking has not been good for my waistline...as we know, "Taste makes waist!!"

As I enter this new year, I have a few goals that I want to focus on:

1. Improving my overall health. I started '09 having recently lost about 10 pounds after joining Sparkpeople. I did pretty well at maintaining that loss for a few months, but have since gained it back plus more. This is largely in part to the baking, but also due to my health issues and medications. On top of my fibromyalgia and CFS, I have developed plantar fasciitis--the three of those have made any exercise excruciatingly painful: the prior conditions because my body is so worn out and painful the next day if I overdo it at all, but the plantar fasciitis makes my feet hurt so badly that I cannot run or even walk or use my gazelle for more than about 10 minutes without wanting to cry from the pain. My doctor said that the only exercise I can really do right now is swimming...that's exactly what you want to do when you're fat right? I need to join a gym so I can do this, but I hate to spend that money when I used to be able to just use my gazelle or bike at home for free! Oh well, I know that losing weight will improve my conditions overall, so I have got to figure this out. I am getting back on with Spark for real and tracking my food intake again. Pray for me b/c this is so hard!

2. Being a better steward of my money. I wasted way too much money this year on things that I did not use (i.e., more magazine subscriptions than I could possibly read!). Even with the economic climate, we had not really been effected so I just acted like money was nothing and bought what I wanted. This is stupid. I have to make wiser decisions about what I buy. I used to be really good about this, but I guess I got cocky about our financial state and got greedy about stuff. No more. If that means staying at the office on my lunch hour instead of running "errands" (aka shopping for things I don't need) then that I what I do--hey, it will also make me bring my lunch instead of getting fast food! Win-win!

3. Letting things go. I have been too much of a pack-rat (verging on "hoarding") and just need to get rid of things that I don't use or need, regardless of the memories attached. I will never be a person who just gets rid of everything, but there is no reason to keep all my magazines after I read them. No reason to keep bulky mementos from my past when I can just take a picture and put it in a scrapbook. No reason to keep clothes that I can't fit into that aren't even in style anymore! Also, I am not going to keep all the supplies I have for hobbies that I don't even participate in anymore. It just makes me feel guilty!

4. Waste less time. I have a problem with computer card games (solitare, freecell, etc..)and I will sit and play them mindlessly for way too long. There are way better things to do with my time!

5. Read BOOKS again. Through college I did nothing but read theology and philosophy and religious history and all kinds of things that challenge your mind. Then I graduated and made a choice to give myself a break and read cookbooks, magazines, and novels. While I don't think those things are bad, I need to find a balance again. Also, I have allowed several of my magaine subscriptions to lapse and am going to spend more time reading actual books! I also may need to edit my list of blogs that I follow b/c that takes a ton of time as well. A few practical things with this: I will keep magazines in the car for when I'm at a light or in a drive through line, and in the bathrooms so I can read while...well...you know. I will keep my Bible, journal, and a few devotionals in my bedroom to do before bed. I had gotten lazy in this area over the past year and need to focus on spending time with God again and focusing on my faith--I have to do these each night before any other reading. Other stuff can be whenever...

6. Organize/cleaning. I have a bad habit of letting things pile up until I am absolutely overwhelmed and the thought of starting the cleaning intimidates me. If I clean as I go, I will be less likely to get to this nightmare point. This also goes along w/point number 3--I don't need to keep everything in my house!

7. Spend more time w/hubs. We have both gotten so wrapped up in doing our "own thing" recently that we have not spent enough quality time together. I miss him!

Well, I think that's it for right now...just keep me accountable! I am going to revamp my "other" much neglected blog, previously entitled "adventures in organic eating", to be a log of my efforts in some of these things. This will be a little more personal and much focused on the weight issues--and will NOT be automatically posted to facebook like this blog is, so if you are interested in following along with all that, the blog is "to be a better me."

Well, thanks for following along with all my crazy life stuff, and I hope you are all having an encouraging start to the new year!

Thursday Thankfuls

Instead of "Friday Favorites" this week I'm going to do "Thursday Thankfuls" in honor of the often-ignored holiday of Thanksgiving. As much as I ADORE and look forward to Christmas, in my family it was always a rule that we would not skip over Thanksgiving by decorating early or listening to Christmas music or any of that. Hubs still holds me to that even though being a grown up makes me want to rebel and have Christmas all the time! ;)

One of our family traditions is to do a "Thankful Tree" each year. At each place setting my parents put a paper leaf (in autumn colors of red, yellow, orange, or brown of course) and a pen, and each person writes down things that they are thankful for (some times we get more than one leaf, some times we cram it all on one). We go around the table and everyone reads what they have written on the leaf, then we tape the leaves onto a tree branch which is displayed in a flower pot by the table. It's easy to give the "Sunday School" answers in that setting ("i'm thankful for God, my family, and my friends") and so often we still just go through the habit of saying things, but it is so important to really give thanks for all the blessings in our lives.

So here is my digital "thankful tree" for this year:

-My faith in Christ. This has been a hard year for so many people. Personally, I've lost my grandmother, had some difficult times at work, struggled continually with my health and weight, and gone through some hard transitions emotionally; but through it all I still have hope and peace in Christ. I've also moved from my former way of looking at my faith as something to just be studied, and am learning more how to live and apply it.

-Hubs. Honestly, I've been really cranky w/him today (and vice versa) but I am blessed to have him. I have seen some real scum-bags hurt people I love this year, but no matter what we he and I go through, I am able to trust him and know that my trust will not be broken. He is a wonderful man who works incessantly to provide for me, he always trys to make me laugh, and he encourages me through everything.

-My family. It was a very trying year for our family. The sickness and passing of my dad's mom was emotionally draining. I am so grateful that she stayed with them during her sickness b/c I was able to see her much more than I would have if she had still been in Owensboro. I think it also brought out a lot more honesty in my family about how we are all doing. We were able to lean on each other more than we normally do: to reveal our weaknesses and ask for help when we needed it. I also spent more time with my sister and connected with her more than I have since we were really little kids.

-My job. Just having a secure job in this economy is something to be thankful for, but I am especially thankful for the great relationships that I have there. I can honestly say that I love and care for all my coworkers. We have all been through some crazy times this year (personally, and as an office) but I think we've handled it well.

-Butch. :) My little bulldog is nothing but love! I know that no matter what happens one day, when I come home she will be wiggling with joy as soon as she sees me! I spoil her rotten, but she spoils me right back!

-Freedom to pursue my passions. This year I have really appreciated the flexibility of my schedule to allow me to do things like bake and blog and even to start selling some baked goods. We're still in a decent place financially that has allowed me to do this as well.

-Re-kindled friendships. I have struggled some with so many of my friends and former Bible study girls having moved, but have reconnected with some friends that I wasn't as close to previously. Some relationships have been re-formed through the blog world and transitioned into "real life" and I have learned how to pursue some of my long-distance friendships better. I guess in this stage of life I am figuring out how to go from being a "leader" in bible study-type settings as the primary purpose of my relationships, to just having peer relationships. I like it. It's very freeing.

-My home. I just love it. Yes, it is cluttered and mostly messy, and somehow hubs and I have managed to fill it all the way already, but it is a nice comfy little home where people feel welcome.


Well, there are lots more things that I could write, but I need to go make some muffins. :) (i'm also thankful for baked goods) What are you most thankful for this year?

the day I should have stayed in bed, or how God can change your perspective

No TWD this week, though Erin's pick of the Sweet potato biscuits looked quite yummy--I even bought an extra sweet potato this week, but oh well...it was not in the cards for me...

Do you ever have one of those days when, from the second you hit the alarm clock, you know that it is not going to be a good day? Well, that is definitely the way that today started off! First off, I'm sick. Apparently trying to push through my yuck-ness and clean on Sunday was a bad choice, and it left me in bed on Monday. I woke up this morning in pain, but didn't want to let work keep piling up so I dragged myself groggily into the shower. After slogging through my morning routine (and taking a quick break to snuggle Butch), I got into the car to finally head to work. As I was backing out of the garage and driveway I heard a huge crash and my car jolted to a stop: I had run into the cement barrier that allows the drainage pipe to run under the driveway.

And then my car was tilted.

I got out to see that I had completely blown my back passenger-side tire. I called the office, debating over coming in late or just calling in altogether, and was told by one of our receptionists that two of the other front staff had already called in that day.

I went in the house, told hubs what happened, and sat on the bed and cried while he went out to look at the car and call my dad for help (my dad is definitely a mister-fix-it; hubs, not so much, but they trade handyman services for computer help). Well, dad is in North Carolina at a conference, so we left the poor little car in the driveway and hubs drove me to work.

I struggle w/depression, and this has definitely been one of those times (I got into a funk a few days ago, but of course this morning brought everything to a head). I have been feeling all "woe is me" lately...sad b/c of the lack of time that hubs and I have been able to spend together due to his work schedule, tired of feeling sick, frustrated about re-gaining some weight I had lost, and just all around mopey. Then I've been having nightmares about all the crazyness that has been happening at the office where I work. I have been grumpy w/hubs when we are together--you know those times when you are just determined to be miserable, even if nothing is really wrong? It's been one of those times.

So hubs was driving me to work, and instead of being thankful for the extra time that we had together, I was just sitting there pouting like Eeyore w/a grey cloud hanging over my head (even when he made a joke that Butch had purposefully pushed my car into the concrete w/her magical bulldog mind powers b/c she wanted me to stay home to cuddle). I got to the office, and though everything went smoothly for being short staffed, I was cranky. When hubs said that he didn't think he could bring me lunch b/c he had to go out of town to a client, I was crabby while I ate the leftover sandwich in the work refridgerator. When my throat started hurting more and the sinus pressure got bad, I just fussed about how I would rather be in bed. I even mentally prepared to write this post and show pictures of how I had hurt my poor little car and how my day was so awful.
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And then, when it was finally 5:00 and time to go, hubs called and told me that he was here so I went out the door....and there was my car!! He had taken time out of his day to go buy a tire iron & jack, he had replaced my tire, driven it (still low on air) to Walmart to get it aired up and fixed (they couldn't really fix it b/c apparently I "broke the wheel," not bent the hubcap), and even walked to the mall so he could have something to eat and take care of my car at the same time--and then got a ride from his mom so that he could drop my car at work and then go back home so he could surprise me!

And just like that, my attitude changed. I realized that while I had been moping and complaining and feeling like my husband doesn't love me, I was just completely self-centered. When I grumbled about the sandwich I had for lunch, I should have been thankful that there was still something left over from the catered lunch the day before so that I could have something (free!) to eat! When I was upset about this bad luck w/my car, I should have been grateful that in nearly 10 years of driving that car (which is a 1989!!) this is the most damage that I have ever done to it, and it was all done in the safety of my own driveway! I should be grateful that we even have stable jobs, and that hubs' freelance business is also going so well, and thankful for the free time I have to do things like blog and bake for no reason except that I love doing it.

Now, I'm not trying to be all jolly-Pollyanna--I always want to be real and honest and sometimes life isn't happy, but I just feel grateful. God has blessed us in so many ways that I take forgranted.

My car is still not totally fixed. Hubs still loves sports more than I would like. My job is still crazy. I am still "pleasantly plump"-er than I would like. And my throat still hurts like crap, but perspective can change a lot!

funny story--so apparently when hubs asked them to fix the hubcap which was actually the wheel (which Walmart does not carry replacements for, by the way) they told him to go to a junkyard to try to find one. Hubs called his dad for advice, and his dad apparently had the same thing happent to him once. So....what did he do??? When asked what he did to replace the broken wheel, my father-in-law replied "I got a new car."

granny

it has been a very emotionally and physically draining week. on the morning of wednesday, july 8 @ 2:45 am my granny finally stopped fighting her battle with cancer. the past 3 weeks or so every time that i had talked to my parents they said they didn't expect her to last more than a few days. i saw her last thursday, one of the last days that she was still responsive, and was able to say goodbye. we truly expected that she would pass over the weekend. they had already made loose plans for the funeral to be on monday after the fourth of july weekend, but she kept holding on. she slipped into a semi-coma but did not want to give up. she desperately wanted to keep living. until the very end she was spunky and making little faces or rolling her eyes at things my dad would say. she told him that when she got to heaven she would ask God why he didn't let her live longer!

they asked me to sing "Because He lives" at the funeral and i planned to until one of my stupid cfs/fibro flare ups made my throat to swollen, sore, and scratchy. i wish i had been able to do it, but honestly i don't know that i could have held up emotionally. i am not a performer by nature and it's hard for me to separate myself enough to do that. my brother and sis sang though and it was beautiful.

i have been fairly stoic about the whole situation until today. when i walked into the funeral home i just lost it. i haven't cried this hard in a long time. i thought i would handle it better b/c we had so much time to get used to the idea of her passing, and we all knew that it was time. it just hurts. like i've said before, it hurts that she will never meet my children.

it was a lovely celebration of her life though. my dad delivered a beautiful message about her and her relationship with the Lord. hannah and james were able to sing and did so very well. we saw a lot of wonderful family members and friends who came out to support us.

i love you granny and will never forget you!

the weakley kids w/granny several years ago at easter


pictures of the tables and flowers from granny's memorial service.

my first batch of amish friendship bread (muffins) since i was in college! a dear co-worker gave me the starter and hubs loves this bread--esp. in muffin form! let me know if you want some starter and i will hook you up!

i still need to work on the fullness of the cups--these came out a little square (and i couldn't help nibbling off a few crispy edges...) i want them to poof up some, but they spread a lot so i will have to practice...such a hard task right! ;)

butchy tried to sneak some of patrick's dinner

i feel that God is trying to teach me a lesson about my tendency towards materialism. everywhere that i've looked (or read or watched...) i have seen topics on putting too much value in our things and continuing to acquire things that are not needed. i want to write more in detail about this later...stay tuned!

we had our 3 year wedding anniversary yesterday! sadly, i was sick (and am still not feeling great) so we didn't get to go on our dinner date, but we are postponing till the weekend. not planning anything big b/c our florida trip was the official "celebration" for us (and was wonderful!). we also need to save some money!

let's see...what else can be briefly mentioned...

OH! hubs has spent the majority of the night chasing kitty around the house w/a rolled up window screen--i swear it sent kitty into a panic attack! i had to comfort him and give him treats. silly boys.

i guess that's it for tonight. loves!

moving on

this is not the vacation post--i promise that will come soon w/pictures and all, but i had to write about a dream i had on vacation.

as i wrote previously, things are changing and my last group of bible study girls has recently graduated (most of them at least) and are moving on with their lives. i have been very excited for them, but also sad to once again see a group of amazing women that i have poured my heart and soul into move on from here. i know it is what is supposed to happen but it's hard.

i had this dream on monday night... it was about a particular group of four roommates (you know who you are) who are moving to louisville later this week (in real life, not just in the dream). in it i was trying so hard to get to their apartment (which has ironically been the location of many of my dreams...it's a lovely old yellow house that i adore) and all i wanted to do was spend some time with them before they leave. i was crying and crying so hard and just had this deep sorrow because these amazing women are no longer going to be in my daily life. i was (and am) grieving this change. hurting because once again people are moving on with their lives and because i stay in this cycle in which i pour myself into people and then they leave. it goes with the whole college ministry thing but i guess i'm realizing that it is taking a toll on me. in the dream i kept saying that i was done with this--that i couldn't do it anymore b/c it hurts too much--but in real life, i can't stop having these types of real and vulnerable relationships. and i know that God works through these types of relationships. maybe it's just time for me to focus on establishing them with women who are staying!

there is not a huge purpose to this post except to let you girls (all of you, not just the ones in the dream) know that i love you so dearly. you have touched my life and i will miss you. but i will always be here.

the lovely ladies came by this afternoon to say bye

wrapping things up

tonight i had a tea party in honor or my lovely bible study girls who are graduating (most of them) and moving on with their lives= leaving me :(. i am very excited and proud of/for all of them but it is definitely bittersweet. that is the hard thing about college ministry--they start here, and then they leave! it's like parenthood but much shorter and less stressful ;).

the spread: sadly mostly purchased food as i had to choose between cleaning or cooking. i did make the chicken salad and tomato sandwiches f/m scratch.

joanna provided lovely music and brittany brought "margarete" her final project for sculpture class

lovely ladies all dressed up!

including Butchy!

prim and proper...in appearance--you should have heard the conversations, though!

we had a lovely evening full of laughter and talking about the future and just enjoying each other's company. it never fails though--i do one of these big things at the end of my time with a group, and then say "why haven't we been doing this from the beginning?!?"

this is the second group of girls that i have led and i learn so much from each group. with the first group, i was in school and much more intellectual and focused on being the perfect leader and discipler. we had very intense theological discussions and learned so much about the Bible. it took me a while to learn how to be vulnerable with them, but it was amazing when i finally did! this second group started a few weeks before i got sick and had my world turned upside-down. half of the group that started with me ended up dropping out, and we had a few girls add over time. i have been more real with them--honest about where i am and not trying to be the "perfect bible study leader". i have not been the most godly woman for them and sometimes i wonder if i'm doing things right, but it's very real. they know that i will not judge them no matter what they are going through or dealing with, and i feel comfort that they will not judge me either. i've learned a lot for sure. with the first group, i honestly took a lot of credit (in my head) for their spiritual growth and walks with the Lord. i held myself responsible for leading them and counseling them, and took any issues that they dealt with very personally. now i have learned--for real, not just saying it this time--that NONE of it is up to or because of me. i am a very flawed vessel that God has graciously chosen to use to water these lovely ladies. I have to let go--these are grown women. they make mistakes, i make mistakes, and ultimately it is in God's hands. all i can do is speak the truth when led, pray for them constantly, love them unconditionally, and give them over to the Lord.

i don't think i will take on any new college groups after this. i think it is time for me to start trying to cultivate relationships with women who are at the same lifestage as me--and who won't be leaving in the near future! it's hard for me to let this go b/c i have learned that teaching the bible and having these types of relationships is vital for me to grow and see the Lord working in my life. i see Him so much more clearly through those around me, and there is no question in my mind that when we are all gathered together to study that He is showing things we wouldn't understand otherwise. there is something so passionate about college students, but sometimes i find that spending time with them makes me discontent with where i am now, and that is definitely not how it should be. i miss the constant mental stimulation, & meeting new people from different walks of life. grown up life is so mundane in comparison! i sit at my desk and enter the same payments for the same patients and see the same faces every day. i am not the type of person who has to have constant excitement and drama--i am extremely stable and commitment minded, but i just loved using that intellectual part of myself. my brain is turning into mush now! but i know that this is just a season. i need to remind myself to just be thankful for stability right now, b/c a lot of people would give anything for it.

i have also been very discouraged about marriages right now. i feel like i am just surrounded by relationships that are really deeply struggling. thankfully, patrick and i are doing well as we approach our 3 year anniversary, but i can't help but be a little rattled. i know so many women who are dealing with husbands who are being unfaithful. it just hurts. i want to shake their husbands and tell them to wake up and appreciate their wives who are so amazing! i'm sad about the whole jon & kate plus 8 thing...i know it's kind of silly, but it just makes me sad to see such a public disentigration of something that was once so uplifting. it makes me want to work so much harder on our relationship to do anything we can to protect it. i'm so happy that we're taking our trip to florida next week!! it will be a much needed time to get away from the daily drudgery that we get so bogged down in.

the end for tonight

tonight was a much-needed great night. our dear friend stephen is in town for a few weeks and we just had him over for pizza and hanging out for about 4 hours. he is getting married in less than a month and it was so great to see him and just talk about everything in our lives. the great thing is that since he is such an old friend for both of us, patrick really feels comfortable opening up to him and we were able to be open about things that we haven't really talked about with other people--we joked that he was being a counselor for us. it was just wonderful to have this kind of fellowship--but it makes me want it more consistently and i'm not sure where to find it! these kinds of relationships can't just be fabricated, but prayerfully we will find more people that we can connect with together.

i'm trying to trust God with everything--the kid stuff, health, our walks with Him, everything. it's hard, but that's life i guess.

limits

today was kinda hard. last night i was feeling really bad--nothing huge, just my body being worn down at the end of a busy week (sad that for me a 'busy week" is working 4 full days and being slightly active at night.) Well, i took some of my nighttime tylenol cough & sore throat meds ("blue medicine" as i lovingly refer to it)...and i didn't wake up until 12:30 this afternoon! i felt a little discouraged to have slept most of the day away, but i guess my body needed it. then at 2 i had to go see my doctor for a routine follow up visit for my cfs. i LOVE my doctor--he is very personable and takes time to relate to you and answer questions that you have. working in a medical office, i know that this is a rare and valuable trait in a doc! we talked about how i've been doing...the past few weeks have been rough, and he gave me the slightly disappointing news that he thinks i'm "about where [i'm] going to be in terms of [my] progress" in other words...he doesn't expect me to improve more than I have thus far. i do pretty well compared to a lot of people with this condition. i mean, i can keep a steady job and maintain a pretty active lifestyle, but i am always worn out and in pain by the end of the week. i definitely do better when i am exercising regularly and eating well, so i guess that just has to be even more of a focus now.

then we talked about children. as you all know, patrick & i have been discussing the prospect of having kids, so i wanted to get my doc's opinion on the whole topic. the good news: he doesn't think that my stomach scar is going to be an issue. he said that it will probably move up, and after i have a baby that i won't like it b/c when it stretches it will not go back down, but it shouldn't be too much of a discomfort or anything like that. the not so good news: basically he just told me what i already figured, but he thinks that it is not realistic for me to try to work and raise a child, and he insinuated that we may not need to have more than one. as a parent, he was definitely encouraging me not to deprive myself of the joy of having a child, but he wants me to be very careful and realistic and "remove as many possible external stressors in [my] life as possible before trying to have a baby" i.e.: i shouldn't expect to work and parent and still be able to function.

patrick and i talked about the whole thing tonight before he went to film a game and we're just trying to realisticly figure out what to do. for sure we aren't going to actively try to get preganant for at least another year, probably longer. financially we're going to continue to try to cut back and put more towards the house so that we can decrease that financial stress as much as possible. then i'm going to try to look into ways to work part time or from home or something to help when it comes to that time. then he said the hardest thing--we may just be able to have one child. ultimately, we will be thankful for whatever God gives us--even if we end up only being able to have bulldogs ;)--but that thought just breaks my heart. i mean, we already have names picked out for a boy and a girl...but again, it's in God's hands.

i am consistently reminded of a time in our pre-marital counseling with Richard Carwile when we were talking about the future. i was telling him how our plans were to start having kids at about 3 years into our marriage, and then to have 3 kids, each 3 years apart. i thought it was just a very basic simple plan and he kinda smirked and made a comment about how plans don't always work out. i thought "why wouldn't this work out--that's very realistic?" well, as they always say, God's plans are different than our own, no matter how much it makes sense to us. prayerfully, we will use this change in our plans for the future to give glory to God, and to put our trust in Him rather than ourselves.

the momma bug

two nights ago i had a dream that i had a baby. i dreamed of the whole process--feeling the baby kick, labor, and breastfeeding after the baby was born. it was kind of bizarre, and has made me think about this issue a little more than usual.

patrick & i have been married for almost 3 years now so of course people (and we) are asking the question of when kids are going to come into the picture. we always said that we would start trying for a baby once we had reached the 3 years of marriage mark. now as it is looming up on us we are re-thinking it a little. (patrick has said the rule now is at 3 years we will start "talking" about when we want to start trying).

i'm going to be totally honest here even though i will sound (ok, i am being...)completely and totally selfish. i love the life that we have right now. we have been so blessed, maybe to a fault. we are so comfortable....to the point of laziness i would say. i know that ultimately, when it's time, it will be the most amazing thing in the world to have a family, but right now i can't concentrate on anything but what we will be giving up. i love that when i leave work at night i don't have to do anything. i work around the house a little, but i don't have children to feed or care for (all butch wants is some table scraps and cuddles). i can sit and watch tv or read magazines or books or listen to music, or go to bed really early. i worked my butt off through college and didn't have any spare moments to myself and now i just love having this! patrick and i have our own things that we do together and apart, and we enjoy the freedom of our schedule. there is nothing that makes me happier than a weekend with no plans. i can be productive or absolutely lazy and it doesn't really matter!

honestly, i never really relished this type of life until i got sick in '07. until that point i would constantly be doing...just anything. i could not sit and relax at all but was always looking for something else to occupy myself, and though i know i needed to learn the value of letting my body rest, i think i have taken it too far! then again, i am still struggling w/the cfs/fibro and it's effects when i do too much. i had a really scary realization two sunday's ago. i had had a good weekend and hadn't done too much but for some reason i could not fall asleep. i tossed and turned until 3 am, then slept restlessly until 5 when i woke up again, and i have never been in so much physical pain in my life. my cfs & fibro flared up f/m the lack of sleep and i couldn't move. it was so bad that the pressure from my pajamas hurt. i took a handful of pills and fell asleep until 2 the next afternoon. but then i thought, if my body reacts like this to one night of little sleep, how can i possibly care for a newborn baby and the nighttime feedings and all of that? it's just a strange place to be emotionally. i feel like i'm torn. i truly believe that my purpose in life is to be a mom, but i'm scared of these physical limitations, and of giving up my selfishness! and i think patrick will have an even more difficult time dealing with the changes and demands than i have. i honestly worry about how it will effect our relationship b/c i have traditionally been the person to do thinks around our household. i know that he will be a great father, but he is so stuck in his routine!

in addition to all of this, i have come up with a list of things that i need to do before we start actively trying for a baby (of course, if God decides that it's time before we are "ready" then obviously he knows best...)

and here they are in no particular order:
- organize and clear out the "craft room"/patrick's extra office. this room is absolutley out of control--it's pretty much our dumping ground, but of course it is the room that will be a nursery when we have a child. i just want to get rid of most of the junk!

- get in shape physicially. i am working on this but have been extra lazy this last week. i've lost 10 pounds so far, but have a good deal more to go before i'm really satisfied. i feel that if i can't do it now when i have all this time to focus on me, i'm pretty much screwed after kids! also, i'm hoping that getting more physically active and healthy will also help with my medical issues as well, and will help me to handle the demands that children will bring.

-get caught up on my scrapbooks! i am working on the summer before college right now--still 7 years behind! i know that once we have kids that will be what i want to focus on whenever i get the chance, so i better get to work!

- clear out the clutter in our house. we are packrats and have WAY too much junk and things that we don't need anymore. i want to get down to what we actually use, and a few things to keep for sentimental reasons.

- find a good church home. we have had some hardship in this area in the last few years and i really want that community! i have had great fellowship over the years with wonderful ladies in my bible studies, but as my last college group is graduating and moving on, it's time to move on and find our own place!

- figure out what we are going to do with our jobs/finances. we're in good shape right now, but i really want to be able to stay at home once we have kids. i don't know if that means taking a position just a few days a week somewhere, or trying to find something that i can do from home, or just quitting all together, but i don't want to put too much pressure on patrick and i know that we will have to go through a lifestyle change in order to live on one income rather than two that were fairly matched.

okay, so that's where i am on the mom stuff. it's just a bundle of crazy right now. but i know that God is in control, and really none of this silly stuff matters. in his timing and way it will happen.

introduction

Since I am new to this whole blogging thing I figured the best way to start is by introducing myself...so here goes

I am a married 24 year-old with a bulldog and a house and a job where I have worked for nearly 8 years. I have been with my husband for nearly 7 years (almost 3 married). I guess what all this means is that I am a very stable--i think dependable--person. Sometimes I feel like I want to do something crazy and out of control, but really I like my life even if it is ordinary in some ways.

I love collecting things and have a bit of a compulsive shopping problem. My current obsession is teapots--I have purchased 6 in the past month or so bringing my total to 7. I have to sneak them in b/c I'm not supposed to buy any more dishes! I also loves cakestands (I have 11) and mixing bowls which I collect in mostly primary colors. I also buy cookbooks and magazines in large quantities, and sometimes candles...it really just depends on my mood.

I take pride in sharing my home with others--I am not a neat freak by any means or schooled in design, but I think my house is very homey--it looks just like my mom's in a lot of ways which cracks us up (we have the same slipcovers, color palette, and many of the same dishes). I want people who come over to feel comfortable to plop down on the couch, help themselves to food, and not worry if something gets spilled. I also don't want to make anyone feel that they have to be perfect to share their life. Reality is much more interesting and approachable.

Until my sophomore year of college I really did not understand how to have real relationships with other women. I had always focused my friendships on guys then I started a Bible study group and started learning about vulnerability. Now I have learned that you are much more approachable when you are honest about your failures and don't try to pretend that you have it all together. That is what I strive for.

My dream is to have a little bakery/tea room with a craft corner/reading nook. Then I could use my massive dish collection to serve yummy treats!

I love to feed people and am very very maternal in general. I love to cook homey meals and bake delicious snacks. To be totally honest, I sabotage my husband--he is only a few inches taller than me, and I have to make sure that he weighs more, so while I'm dieting I feed him extra treats.

I think I was created to be a mother, but until that time I will continue to dote on my bulldog.

I have a fear of running. I always think that my legs are going to go too fast and that I will fall down.

I have to sleep in socks. If I am not wearing socks I think there are bugs in the bed.

I cannot work without music.

Mariocart makes me curse like a sailor.