wrapping things up

tonight i had a tea party in honor or my lovely bible study girls who are graduating (most of them) and moving on with their lives= leaving me :(. i am very excited and proud of/for all of them but it is definitely bittersweet. that is the hard thing about college ministry--they start here, and then they leave! it's like parenthood but much shorter and less stressful ;).

the spread: sadly mostly purchased food as i had to choose between cleaning or cooking. i did make the chicken salad and tomato sandwiches f/m scratch.

joanna provided lovely music and brittany brought "margarete" her final project for sculpture class

lovely ladies all dressed up!

including Butchy!

prim and proper...in appearance--you should have heard the conversations, though!

we had a lovely evening full of laughter and talking about the future and just enjoying each other's company. it never fails though--i do one of these big things at the end of my time with a group, and then say "why haven't we been doing this from the beginning?!?"

this is the second group of girls that i have led and i learn so much from each group. with the first group, i was in school and much more intellectual and focused on being the perfect leader and discipler. we had very intense theological discussions and learned so much about the Bible. it took me a while to learn how to be vulnerable with them, but it was amazing when i finally did! this second group started a few weeks before i got sick and had my world turned upside-down. half of the group that started with me ended up dropping out, and we had a few girls add over time. i have been more real with them--honest about where i am and not trying to be the "perfect bible study leader". i have not been the most godly woman for them and sometimes i wonder if i'm doing things right, but it's very real. they know that i will not judge them no matter what they are going through or dealing with, and i feel comfort that they will not judge me either. i've learned a lot for sure. with the first group, i honestly took a lot of credit (in my head) for their spiritual growth and walks with the Lord. i held myself responsible for leading them and counseling them, and took any issues that they dealt with very personally. now i have learned--for real, not just saying it this time--that NONE of it is up to or because of me. i am a very flawed vessel that God has graciously chosen to use to water these lovely ladies. I have to let go--these are grown women. they make mistakes, i make mistakes, and ultimately it is in God's hands. all i can do is speak the truth when led, pray for them constantly, love them unconditionally, and give them over to the Lord.

i don't think i will take on any new college groups after this. i think it is time for me to start trying to cultivate relationships with women who are at the same lifestage as me--and who won't be leaving in the near future! it's hard for me to let this go b/c i have learned that teaching the bible and having these types of relationships is vital for me to grow and see the Lord working in my life. i see Him so much more clearly through those around me, and there is no question in my mind that when we are all gathered together to study that He is showing things we wouldn't understand otherwise. there is something so passionate about college students, but sometimes i find that spending time with them makes me discontent with where i am now, and that is definitely not how it should be. i miss the constant mental stimulation, & meeting new people from different walks of life. grown up life is so mundane in comparison! i sit at my desk and enter the same payments for the same patients and see the same faces every day. i am not the type of person who has to have constant excitement and drama--i am extremely stable and commitment minded, but i just loved using that intellectual part of myself. my brain is turning into mush now! but i know that this is just a season. i need to remind myself to just be thankful for stability right now, b/c a lot of people would give anything for it.

i have also been very discouraged about marriages right now. i feel like i am just surrounded by relationships that are really deeply struggling. thankfully, patrick and i are doing well as we approach our 3 year anniversary, but i can't help but be a little rattled. i know so many women who are dealing with husbands who are being unfaithful. it just hurts. i want to shake their husbands and tell them to wake up and appreciate their wives who are so amazing! i'm sad about the whole jon & kate plus 8 thing...i know it's kind of silly, but it just makes me sad to see such a public disentigration of something that was once so uplifting. it makes me want to work so much harder on our relationship to do anything we can to protect it. i'm so happy that we're taking our trip to florida next week!! it will be a much needed time to get away from the daily drudgery that we get so bogged down in.

the end for tonight

i have been in a weird funk for the past few weeks, but i'm not sure why...some of it has to do with my inconsistency with taking my pills over the weekends i'm sure. i don't like to be dependent on them. bah.

after that night when i freaked out and subscribed to all those magazines i have been working hared at not spending money. i didn't go to any store but the grocery for a few weeks, and this week i ventured out to my mecca--the consignment shops on broadway and the bypass, and tjmaxx...but i am so proud of myself! at grandma's attic (where i dropped off 4 boxes of stuff to sell) i got a lovely little teapot, but i had $1.75 on my account from sales and then the owner gave it to me for half price anyway, so it was practically free! then at the clothes lion i bought nothing, and was paid $5 for my consignments! at tjmaxx i only spent $17, $10 of which was on a gift card. i lusted over a beautiful blue & white teapot, but it was $60 so i didn't even think about it. i am feeling proud of my willpower and am trying to look at things based a little more on needs and less on impulse!

one thing that has had me down so much lately has been my health. i feel like i have a few days of feeling okay, and then several days of crap. it's gotten me really discouraged about my "healthful lifestyle" goals b/c every time that i get geared up and start working out and eating really well for a few days, i get knocked out with something again, be it a cfs/fibro flare up, sinus infection, stomach virus, whatever. i wanted to go see my best friend in nashville today and yesterday i had just started feeling really awful by the afternoon and was running a fever that night. i spent most of today in bed or on the couch, but then got a quick burst of energy for about an hour and used it to be productive and pull some weeds in the yard. now i'm all yuck again. i think part of this has been my inconsistency with exercising and eating well--i just always want to eat comfort food when i feel sick--and for me that does not equal salads and veggie wraps!

this morning/early afternoon i had some nice relaxation though. i decided to make my obsession useful and brewed a pot of tea for my sore throat and drank it out of my pretty blue willow teacup and read over my new Tea Time magazines (from the subscription bonanza a few weeks ago...). it was quite lovely.

Milk Glass Mania!!

I'm not supposed to buy anymore dishes. Patrick thinks that I have too many (maybe I do). Well, I've discovered what I think to be the source of my obsessions...Country Living Magazine. I love this magazine, and each issue has a section on collections. I remember years ago reading about collecting vintage aprons.


then this happened...then there was the piece on cake plates...

(just a few of them)

A few weeks ago it was blue & white china and I added these:

to my existing collection:


And the most recent issues was about simple white dishes:

milk glass mixing bowls


scallop edge plates

a tumbler and 4 custard cups

Maybe I have a problem....

I also bought another teapot (no picture) and a beautiful pink glass that just makes me want to have a ladylike bedroom or serve pink lemonade...


Ahh...the joy of antique dishes...but I do have a place for everything that I buy!

Also, I did more baking this weekend. More bread, a chocolate cheesecake, and double chocolate cookies. So delicious!

I really want to redo our bedroom. We haven't really ever done anything to it. We just moved straight in and left the paint as is. It's green and I'm not a huge fan of green anyway. I want to do something bright and airy...I used to want it to be more reds and golds, but now I just want peaceful. We don't have real bedroom furniture either...just hand-me-downs from when we lived w/our parents, but it's hard for me to decide what to do. BAH. But first I need to clean and organize it well. Patrick said that I could get a new dresser for Valentines day and I've had a hard time picking it out. I dunno...we'll see what happens!