it has been a very emotionally and physically draining week. on the morning of wednesday, july 8 @ 2:45 am my granny finally stopped fighting her battle with cancer. the past 3 weeks or so every time that i had talked to my parents they said they didn't expect her to last more than a few days. i saw her last thursday, one of the last days that she was still responsive, and was able to say goodbye. we truly expected that she would pass over the weekend. they had already made loose plans for the funeral to be on monday after the fourth of july weekend, but she kept holding on. she slipped into a semi-coma but did not want to give up. she desperately wanted to keep living. until the very end she was spunky and making little faces or rolling her eyes at things my dad would say. she told him that when she got to heaven she would ask God why he didn't let her live longer!
they asked me to sing "Because He lives" at the funeral and i planned to until one of my stupid cfs/fibro flare ups made my throat to swollen, sore, and scratchy. i wish i had been able to do it, but honestly i don't know that i could have held up emotionally. i am not a performer by nature and it's hard for me to separate myself enough to do that. my brother and sis sang though and it was beautiful.
i have been fairly stoic about the whole situation until today. when i walked into the funeral home i just lost it. i haven't cried this hard in a long time. i thought i would handle it better b/c we had so much time to get used to the idea of her passing, and we all knew that it was time. it just hurts. like i've said before, it hurts that she will never meet my children.
it was a lovely celebration of her life though. my dad delivered a beautiful message about her and her relationship with the Lord. hannah and james were able to sing and did so very well. we saw a lot of wonderful family members and friends who came out to support us.
i love you granny and will never forget you!