this is not the vacation post--i promise that will come soon w/pictures and all, but i had to write about a dream i had on vacation.
as i wrote previously, things are changing and my last group of bible study girls has recently graduated (most of them at least) and are moving on with their lives. i have been very excited for them, but also sad to once again see a group of amazing women that i have poured my heart and soul into move on from here. i know it is what is supposed to happen but it's hard.
i had this dream on monday night... it was about a particular group of four roommates (you know who you are) who are moving to louisville later this week (in real life, not just in the dream). in it i was trying so hard to get to their apartment (which has ironically been the location of many of my dreams...it's a lovely old yellow house that i adore) and all i wanted to do was spend some time with them before they leave. i was crying and crying so hard and just had this deep sorrow because these amazing women are no longer going to be in my daily life. i was (and am) grieving this change. hurting because once again people are moving on with their lives and because i stay in this cycle in which i pour myself into people and then they leave. it goes with the whole college ministry thing but i guess i'm realizing that it is taking a toll on me. in the dream i kept saying that i was done with this--that i couldn't do it anymore b/c it hurts too much--but in real life, i can't stop having these types of real and vulnerable relationships. and i know that God works through these types of relationships. maybe it's just time for me to focus on establishing them with women who are staying!
there is not a huge purpose to this post except to let you girls (all of you, not just the ones in the dream) know that i love you so dearly. you have touched my life and i will miss you. but i will always be here.